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This week was epic! The previous night we were a part of an event that will forever go down in the annals of HHNT experiences as a thing!
We were the recipients of the “Hooter Jones Lifetime Achievement Award” during the First Annual Quibbly Awards, presented by the Law Offices Of Quibble, Squabble, And Bicker. You can find out more than you ever wanted to know about them by CLICKING ON THIS LINK

We did no video this week, and that may happen more than not in the summer months because there is a lot of shit goin on. So lets get going!

 

We start off with the Malawian phenomenon of Hyena Men.

Malawi’s ‘Hyena’ Men: Paid By Parents To Have Sex With Their Daughters

This, of course, has nothing to do with THESE Hyena Men

Florida man—Wow—I mean—Wow

Florida Man In His Underwear Hits Deputy In Face With Bible, Screams “I CONDEMN YOU,” Poops Himself

Our next story takes us to Arkansas, where it has become normal for police to use extreme tools on simple problems.

Cop Flipped Pregnant Woman’s SUV While She Was Searching for a Safe Place To Pull Over

Here at Happy Hour News Team, we try not to offer political content, because, you know, Happy Hour. But this next story is not political, but does involve a politician. Ladies and gentlemen, we bring you the human shit stain that is Louie Gohmert.

‘The Dumbest Guy in Congress’ Asks U.S. Forest Service If It Can Change Moon’s Orbit

Now we all know that health care in America can be the best in the world, and many other countries also have great health care. I guess I’m just say’in, Don’t go to Pakistan for surgery!

Woman dies after security guard pretending to be doctor performs surgery at Pakistan hospital

This next one comes out of Tennessee, must be hot down there.

Ax-wielding, partially naked woman arrested in Tennessee Walmart
No tuna DNA found in Subway’s tuna sandwich, according to NYT report

Rat Eating Monkeys!!!

Killer Rat-Eating Monkeys Leave Scientists “Stunned”https://www.iflscience.com/plants-and-animals/killer-rateating-monkeys-leave-scientists-stunned-/

This next bit was kinda like, wait, you could buy WHAT? It used to be that you could buy just about anything you wanted through the mail. Before LSD was made illegal, you could simply send off for it. For a while, it was perfectly legal to send children through the mail.And yes, you could buy live monkeys, along with other exotic animals via mail order. All you had to do was send a Self Addressed Stamped Envelope for more info. SASE was in just about every one of these ads.

Mail order monkeys & other crazy comic book ads

So, Shanty tried really hard to bring you this story, but I just couldn’t leave the monkey thing alone

Octopuses Rolling on MDMA Reveal Unexpected Link to Humans

Contact us at happhrnews@gmail.com for stickers, or leave us your opinions at 701-369-0029               PEACE         S.E

Florgasm Sloppy seconds

We are back after a week off, with working AC, and a whole new outlook on life! Now Pitter Patter, Lets Get Atter.

Listen to full podcast HERE

We start out in Florida with a guy who just wanted to play “Catch”

Police: Florida man threw infant at officers during arrest

 

The New York Knuckle-Head

 

Unlike South Dakota, it’s actually against the law to kill somebody with your car in Florida! It’s also against the law to hide the body behind a bait shop. And to cut the head off of your girlfriends cat in Minnesota.

Florida man suspected of dumping hit-and-run victim also accused of beheading ex-girlfriend’s cats

Don’t forget to get in touch with us at happyhrnews@gmail.com for your FREE STICKERS!

 

You want to talk about a Poor Gal. This is that!

Oregon woman dies homeless, unaware of 884K inheritance

I have always wondered about the idea of a “Youth Pastor” in churches. What exactly is their function? Is it this?

Report: Teen found camera hidden under sink in Pensacola church bathroom

So, our next story has a headline that reads “SF police seize 16 pounds of fentanyl that could ‘wipe out’ city population 4 times over.” Which means it could wipe out COMPLETELY the states of Alaska, North Dakota, and Wyoming combined. Fuck me!

SF police seize 16 pounds of fentanyl that could ‘wipe out’ city population 4 times over

I guess he thought everybody was over reacting or something

‘Chill, I’m just intoxicated:’ Florida DUI suspect says after hitting, killing pedestrian, police say

 

 

How lucky is this guy? Pretty fucking lucky.

California police find man who had been trapped in farm equipment for 2 days

This kind of thing is kinda rare around these parts.

Narcotics Task Force finds Pipe Bomb and Drugs in Mandan Residence

So that’s another one in the bag for this week.Don’t forget to smile every now and then, and remember to BREATH!!!——————–PEACE————–S.E.

Break Out The Manpons

As always, you can listen to the full podcast HERE

Summer has arrived in ND and is it ever HOT! I will need lots of cold beers to get me through this one!

We start off this week with a Florida Man story that confirms our theory that everybody in Florida will eventually be eaten by alligators.

‘I’m lucky it didn’t death roll:’ Florida man survives alligator bite to the head

Does the date March 30, 1981 ring any bells? That was the date our next knucklehead decided to listen to the voices in his head and shoot the President Of The United States! I wonder if those voices are giving him the lyrics for his new hustle.

Man who shot Reagan is now posting love songs online

This next story  boggles the mind with the amount of stupidity poured into the decision making process that led up to the shit show that follows—

Florida boy shot after dad helped him with paintball “drive-by”

Next we get closer to home with a story about a guy who really doesn’t get it. When you get arrested for a crime and make bond, you don’t head to the next town and re-offend. What a ShitBag!

Man out on bond for rape in Morton County now accused of raping minor in Burleigh County

So, it seems that the storm drains in some large cities are big enough to use as an escape route and wander around in for days, o weeks. Some people are all about it.

Woman found naked in Florida storm drain is rescued again!

Our next story is about as dark as it can get. A young girl cut down in a senseless act of violence. WTF! How does this even happen?

Florida cheerleader allegedly stabbed 114 times, teen suspect to be charged as adult

Ahh, Arizona, what the actual fuck? Really?

Arizona Testing Gas Chambers For Capital Punishment Using Zyklon B, Documents Show

I think that if you can have a nation-wide database of driveing records, you can have one for cops who have been fired for bad conduct.

Florida’s Worst Cop’ Was Just Fired for Misconduct—for the Seventh Time

Spiders! Music! Spider music!!!

Scientists Translated Spiderwebs Into Music, And It’s Beyond Stunning

That’s it for this week. Thanks to all for tuning in to our hour of stuff. Be good to each other, and be sure to use plenty of sunscreen! —–PEACE——S.E.

The Keys

You can listen to the complete podcast HERE

This week we are just the 2 of us in the Good Idea Studios with 1 sober Shanty and 1 scotched-up Sanchez to bring you the News You Didn’t Know You Needed.

We want to first give a big thanks to the guys at The Law Offices Of Quibble Squabble And Bicker for setting us up with our very own iMDB pages! My dead mother would be proud.

We start off with a Florida Woman story who doesn’t like the standards set at her local Burger King. I’ve got news for her, when you take the tomato off the burger and throw it at somebody, you now have even less tomato on your burger!

Florida woman upset over tomato thickness throws Whopper, shouts racial slurs, police say

Florida, the state where cocaine just shows up at the beach.

Packages of cocaine keep washing ashore the Florida Keys

 

Cays, keys, and quays

Dropping your phone in a dinosaur leg, and getting stuck. aawhat a bad way to go.

Missing man’s body recovered inside dinosaur statue, may have gotten stuck retrieving cellphone: report

Not all Florida stories are about crazy fucks and weird drug dealings, evidently there are some decent residents of The Sunshine State.

It’s St. Petersburg’s bench, but Al owns it

These folks figured out how to beat the high price of meat at the local store.

Inside the Russian ‘cannibal family’s house of horrors’ where they ‘killed and ATE 30 people lured from dating sites’

So, do police think ALL powdery substances are drugs?

Police mistook ashes of man’s 2-year-old daughter for drugs, lawsuit claims

It seems that the ass-hat atty. general of South Dakota has finally got a court date for his 3 misdemeanor charges stemming from when he KILLED A MAN with his car while using his phone as he drove home from a party. Fuck this guy!

Fuck This Guy!

We live in the time of the information super highway, and an app for everything from ordering a pizza, to buying a car. We want to introduce you to the latest trend in appifi-ing the world, that lets you turn in anybody who is doing something you find suspicious. It’s called Citizen App. It brings the latest mid 20th century Soviet Union mindset to the American 21st century! Complete with your own private police force!

Citizen App’s Unhinged Private Security Firm Would Like to Patrol Cities With Police Powers

Speaking of technology, this guy should not have used such a high resolution camera to do his vanity cheese shots.

Drug dealer jailed after sharing a photo of cheese that included his fingerprints

I think there might be a better way to draw attention to ones self than this.

Man Locks His Head In Cage In Attempt To Stop Smoking
Man hides in Walgreens, then tunnels through wall to get opioids, Tennessee cops say

Our next story just makes a guy put his face in his palms and say “Why”

He’s been asking Walmart to pick up its trash for 3 years. But when he did it himself, Walmart called the police.

Where DOES one go to sell homemade explosives?

Ohio Man Allegedly Making Bombs To Pay For Lawnmower Dies In Explosion

To wrap up this weeks show, Shanty gives us a weird animal fact about female Hyenas

Female Spotted Hyenas Have a Penis

So that’s it for this week. Much thanks to all who listen to our weekly nonsense, and don’t forget to check out our list of podcasts that we like.       PEACE!             S.E.