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The News You Didn't Know You Needed
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Back Door Evacuation

You can contact us at happyhrnewsteam@gmail.com or you can call/text to 701-369-0029

 

Welcome to yet another wacky and crazy episode of our continuing mental meltdown!

This week, like virtually every other week, we delve into the Weird Wide Web to explore the colorful people and products that make up the more unique segment of the population at large. From Florida to India, things are happening that will have you head scratching and guffawing as to what the fuck were they thinking!? Lets go.

Our story the first is about another person who used their position of trust to get a little for himself.

Wexford priest and his secretary stole $1.5 million from church in Florida, police say

 

A police officer in Platteville, Colorado, is on paid leave after a train hit a cop car containing a handcuffed woman, with footage released Friday showing the moment of the crash. Holy Shit!!!

 

One of the things we try to do with this platform is to bring new and exiting products to light. Well, we found this.

Pussy-Flavored Potato Chips!

 

Everybody is different. Some people get their kicks by watching action movies. Some like to explore caves. Some Floridians like to masturbate in public. But shoving a deodorant can up your butt and keeping it there for –3 WEEKS!!!–. That’s fucking different.

 

Man shoved 8-inch deodorant can up his butt, left it there for 3 weeks

 

Speaking of keeping things up your butt, this Poor Guy would love to make things out of it!

Florida patient unable to pass gas or poop as doctor performs surgery on the wrong end of intestine – what you need to know about colostomy

 

Moving on,   We are always on the lookout for weird animal facts, and stories about weird animals. We bring you, the “Echidna”

Scientists unravel mystery of echidnas’ bizarre 4-headed penis

 

Finally! A sane decision regarding cannabis legalization.

Workers can’t be fired for off-the-clock cannabis use under new law signed by Newsom

Happy Hour News Team supports the 2022 ballot measure 2, providing the legal use of cannabis products for adults in North Dakota.

Election 2022: North Dakota marijuana legalization guide

Fun Florida Fact—They have great postal service.

Flagler County woman placed 400 pamphlets, porn-filled Easter eggs in strangers’ mailboxes, deputies say

 

 

I reckon that if you wanted to get into that store when it was closed, you could just hide in the bathroom with the corpse that has been there for a couple of days.

Worker was dead in Belk store bathroom for 4 days before being found, police say

 

Hows that for news you didn’t know you needed.

Thanks to all who support us and to those who actually listen and watch us act up. We live-cast (Usually) on Thursday night at 7:30 PM mountain time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~PEACE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~S.E.

Grandpas’ Got A Boner!

You can contact us at happyhrnewsteam@gmail.com or you can call/text to 701-369-0029.

This week we look at more deviant behavior from the world of the Inter-Webs, because that’s what we do! Lets kick the tires and light the fires and get this jalopy going!

This week we welcome the newest member of the HHNT podcast family Clyde! Clyde is a young Camel Spider that Shanty found at his workplace and decided that the Good Idea Studio would be the place for him! Greetings and salutations to Clyde!

Our first story has a Florida Man and a Poor Guy! Don’t cheat on your wife, or she’ll shoot you in the balls!

Bullet Lodged in Florida Man’s Testicle After Wife Shoots Him for Cheating

We stay in Fla. for another tale of love gone wrong!

Florida man arrested after choking woman who set his clothes set on fire, beat his car with a frying pan

I guess in Taiwan, they really know how to treat an old man!

Nursing home hires a stripper to entertain their seniors in wheelchairs

Shanty ran a bit of an social experiment to see what would garner the most clicks. It seems that people would rather click on “Monkeys using sex toys” over “Botched boob job” I contend that the thumbnail pic is the main driver, and Shanty thinks it’s the description. Discuss.

This next one is just weird.

Oscar Mayer starts selling ‘Cold Dog’ popsicle in select cities

It looks like it’s not a good time to be in the Russian energy business!

Russian energy executive dies after falling off a boat at full speed

I guess if you want to keep your rabid racoon, don’t take it to the bar.

Rabies alert issued over raccoon taken into North Dakota bar

What would this show be without a Florida-public-naked-drive-thru-masturbation story?

Man makes own Secret Sauce at McDonald’s!

If this guy has a job, why does his old lady need to pay for his dope?

Florida man demands drug money from woman, crushes her truck with excavator

Pretty soon we’ll need batteries to eat!

Spoons and bowls that use electricity to make food taste saltier to go on sale in 2023

The future is here. Emergency power from your vehicle.

Texas doctor performs vasectomy powered by Rivian EV pickup

It’s usually not a good idea to keep a wild animal that can turn you into greasy spot in the driveway!

Kangaroo who killed man stood over body and stopped paramedics from trying to save him

That’s it for this week, enjoy the cooler weather!

************PEACE************S.E.

Glory Hole Clinic and Tattoo Emporium

You can contact us at happyhrnewsteam@gmail.com or you can call/text to 701-369-0029.

Welcome back to our website for a taste of the absurd and unusual topics that we, Happy Hour News Team, thought you should know, even though you didn’t.

No video this week, as we go “Old School” with an audio only show for our dedicated head-phone crowd! On with the monkey business!

We kick it into gear with a Poor Gal who was just sitting in her car, minding her own business, masturbating, when a rude police officer, who obviously did not realize that public masturbation is the third most popular pastime in Florida

Wildwood woman enters plea but remains jailed after found masturbating at parkWildwood woman enters plea but remains jailed after found masturbating at park

Being that Shanty and myself, Sanchez Eldorado, have never felt the pressures that society places on women to look a certain way, or the time involved to apply makeup, we simply don’t understand why someone would go to this extreme. I mean a bad tattoo on your butt, or even an arm can be hidden, but this poor girl is well fucked!!!

A woman was left with four eyebrows after a botched tattoo job in Thailand.

As Shanty pointed out, if someone wants to start murdering people en mass, there’s really little you can do to prevent it.

Final Canadian Stabbing Spree Suspect Dead After Being Captured By Police

Imagine having run your ass off for about an hour and you are coming to a water station to get a little re-hydration. You start slugging that sweet, sweet water down only to fond out it’s RUM! What an asshole!

Mexico City authorities are looking for a man who poured rum in marathon and posted on social media a few hours before the start of the race

Finders keepers, that’s how the saying goes. Some lucky folks came across a bunch of coins from the 1700’s, and it looks like they get to keep them.

Old coins worth nearly $300,000 found under floorboardshttps://www.kfyrtv.com/2022/09/04/old-coins-worth-nearly-300000-found-under-floorboards/

 

So, when you here a story about donkey penises getting smuggled into Hong Kong, you might ask “But Why?” Stand by for further information.

Nigeria seizes donkey penises to be smuggled to Hong Kong

You know you live in a fucked up town when they cut down all the trees so homeless people won’t have any shade!

A New Jersey Town Cut Down All Their Trees to “Deter Homeless,” They’re Part of A Bigger Trend

From homelessness to medical malpractice, we never prematurely deliver the news you didn’t know you needed!

Doctor stitches back pregnant woman after finding foetus premature; faces probe

I am proud to announce that I, Sanchez Eldorado have FINALLY won an argument with Shanty Pants regarding hemispheres! YAYYY!!

There you go, another information filled hour wasted like only we can. Remember to keep coming back, and don’t be shy about clicking on some links at the top of the page! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{PEACE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}S.E.

May I Chew That Food For You?

You can contact us at happyhrnewsteam@gmail.com or you can call/text to 701-369-0029.

Welcome back to your source of news you didn’t know you needed. Where the hosts are drinking, and the stories are drunk!

It’s been hot this week, and we’ve got a big road-trip in the morning, so lets get this shit-show rolling!

We start off with a science story about an immaculate conception, of sorts. It turns out that certain female sharks “Don’t Need No Stinking Males” to reproduce! Imagine the implications!

Italian shark has ‘virgin birth’ after 10 years in all-female shark tank
Pasco deputy arrested for stomping ex-girlfriend’s cat to death, Tampa police say

Not that you need any warning at this point, but people in Florida don’t seem to be able to not expose various body parts to whomever might be hanging around. I’m surprised that she wasn’t rubbing one out!

Woman exposes self to kids at Pinellas Co. pool: police

Millions of people pay billions of dollars a year for medical insurance in our country, so you would think that if you needed a shot to keeb you from puking up everything you eat would be a no-brainer! Well, guess again!

Woman vomits outside her health insurance office because they denied treatment for her chronic vomiting condition

Cocaine and baby wipes, your baby will have the cleanest ass in town!

$11.8 million worth of cocaine found in shipment of baby wipes

I think this guy has got some “Splanein” to do!

Man on honeymoon leaves sleeping wife, is arrested in prostitution sting

I didn’t see anyone telling George Washington to cut his hair!!

SD high school student told to cut hair or find a new school

I hope to hell I don’t end up getting done in by some near sited nursing home minimum wage lackey that can’t tell the difference between dish soap and fruit juice!

1 dead, 2 hospitalized after seniors given dishwashing soap instead of juice

We’ve done tons of poor guy stories, but this Poo Guy is also a very Lucky Guy!

Man in coma after stung by bees 20,000 times, family says
Cops tried to warn Virginia school that counselor was a sex offender but emails bounced

I guess in Russia, well, if you want the president to stop bombing another country, just keep your thoughts to yourself.

Five Russian Businessmen Have Died By Apparent Suicide In Recent Months, According To Russian State Media

Sooooo much stupid! But, hey THANKS!

S-400 Exposed! Russian Tourist Inadvertently Revealed The Location Of S-400 Missiles; Ukraine Says Thank You

Lets check in on Florida

50 Things That Could Only Have Happened In Florida

That’s it for this week. Where ever you’re at, keep cool, and have a great Labor Day weekend!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~PEACE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~S.E.