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The News You Didn't Know You Needed
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Monkee Business

You can contact us at happyhrnews@gmail.com or call/text at 701-204-8554.

We recorded this episode on the day before Christmas Eve, and we hope you all had a good holiday!

So, MTV_____

We start out with a Florida man who must have bumped into someone who wrapped that baggie around his junk! And remember ladies, DON”T STORE OTHER PEOPLES DRUGS IN YOUR COOCH!!!

Drug Suspect Denied Owning Wrapped Package

When somebody says they’re allergic, maybe they are?

Woman Ends Up With A Felony After Secretly Giving Roommate Vegan Foods

Here’s a clue, if you’re going to sell drugs, don’t put a Girl Scout insignia on them. Or Buggs Bunny, or Mickey Mouse, or ANY OTHER picture that might look attractive to a child!!!

Bismarck police say Lincoln man intended to deal drugs, some marked with Girl Scout insignia

Words you will probably never hear/say “Hey, lets catch those alligators and put them in the truck”

Florida teens held after crash leaves two alligators hanging from truck window

This next story begs the question “What the actual fuck??”

A man once convicted of arson was named a fire department’s acting chief. Almost all the firefighters quit.

We keep looking for more good cop stories, but these kind keep popping up.

Suspected shoplifter using a wheelchair shot 9 times by Arizona police officer

Here is the link to the video

It is very revealing when your podcast co-host is disappointed when the next story is not about grave robbing.

Five arrested in Graves Co. tornado theft case

This next story is about a very dangerous product, marketed to very dangerous people. The stupid ones.

Anti-5G necklaces found to be radioactive

I’m shocked! It can’t be true. Something spread on the internet turns out to be a prank? I don’t believe it. It’s the big cat food companies conspiring to discredit this poor woman! Where’s CatAnon when we need him?

Here’s What’s Really Going On With That Video of a Woman Breastfeeding a Cat

I guess it’s harder than you would think to steal a big ass bridge and keep it a secret.

Police: Stolen Ohio bridge found, man facing theft charge

We all have internal dialogues. Most are like “I’m hungry”, or “I wonder if the McRib is back”. Not “I’m hungry, I’m going to eat this guys ribs out back”.

Idaho murder suspect charged with cannibalism; believed eating victim could ‘cure his brain,’ authorities say

It may be cold as shit here in the frozen shithole of Hoth, at least we don’t have mean ass monkys.

Group of Monkeys Kill Over 250 Dogs for ‘Revenge’ in Indian Town

That’s it for this week. Have a safe and happy new year!


Identity Crisis

You can contact us at happyhrnews@gmail.com or leave a message/text at 701-369-0029, and we actually got a hit on the phone number!

This week we come to you from the Good Idea Studios on a Sunday! Shanty Pants has been under the weather lately, and we had to push the recording session back a couple of days, but we en devour to persevere. (Keep On Truckin)

We first visit a story of love lost.

Woman accused of poisoning boyfriend because he wouldn’t ‘shut up’

So, I was walking down the path one day, and I saw a foot bridge laying on the ground. Well I thought, somebody threw away a perfectly good bridge! I will rescue this bridge from the trash heap!!!



58-foot bridge stolen in Ohio

He was a good neighbor. Good for setting your shit on FIRE!!!

Florida man used flamethrower to settle parking dispute, police say

If you go into any situation knowing the rules, and you decide to change the rules for your own benefit, you are disqualified. The rule was tips are shared. She didn’t like the rule.

Arkansas restaurant owners comment on server fired after $4,400 tip

On the other hand, when the rules say you will get the tip you were given, the tip is yours.

Amazon drivers to get back $60M in allegedly withheld tips

It truly sucks when the heroes of your youth grow into grumpy old men.

Eric Clapton, Recurring 2021 Villain, Wins $11 Bootleg CD Lawsuit

Do you like geese? They are pretty aggressive. This home owners association wanted to “Calm them down” a bit.

Florida HOA in hot water after drugged geese drown


There are idiots everywhere. C’mon people, wake up!

Man accused of human trafficking for holding his daughter’s hand
♬ original sound – Rachie & Megsies

So where do you go after a failed bank robbery attempt? Why, WalMart of course!

Masked woman who tried to rob bank arrested at nearby Walmart

I think some people have entirely way too much time on their hands.

Florida man banned from United Airlines after wearing red thong on face instead of mask

So, evidently there is an acceptable level of shit in the water.

Too much poop in Hollywood’s Harrison Street Beach to go swimming, health agency says
Tijuana River flows into the Pacific

How can you be a Sheriff in Idaho and not recognize a group of little Mormon girls?

Sheriff charged with felony aggravated assault after allegedly threatening youth group with gun

This next story has too many psych. issues to mention. I’ll bet her daughter is proud.

Mom, 48, stole daughter’s identity to start college, date young guys

Here are some fun animal facts

29 Amazing Animal Facts That Will Surprise You
Blonde-Haired Moth With Small Genitals Named After Donald Trump

So there ya go. Another bunch of information you did not know you needed. Remember to check the sources of EVERYTHING you see, hear, or are told about on the internet. There are wayyyy too many people that get a big kick out of people who believe their stupid bullshit. From all of us here at Happy Hour News Team, have A very merry Christmas. And remember Shanty has a bonus episode dropping on Christmas day!


Tough Titty Said The Kitty

You can contact us at happyhrnews@gmail.com  or call and leave a message/text at 701-369-0029

Congratulations  to the Pants Family on the birth of our Executive Producer!

Newest member of the HHNT family “Spud” Pants

We start off in Florida with some “Sex In The Sink” gone wrong.

Criminal Charge For Breaking Sink During Sex

While we’re in Florida, what do you get when you combine a dead racoon, pink lip-stick, and oil? If you’re this woman, you get arrested!

Cops: Woman, 76, Targeted Ex-Beau And His New Girlfriend In Auto Vandalism Spree

Capitalism is the back bone of our way of life. One of the things that capitalism provides is the ability to innovate, invent, and maximize  the potential for a productive and profitable life.

With realization that cannabis is not the evil scourge claimed by previous generations, this group have made something truley amazing!

The world’s largest THC-infused brownie weighs 850 lbs

This guy can fucking rot!

Josh Duggar found guilty of federal child pornography charges

I’ve seen some pretty weird shit, but I’ve never seen this. I’ve got questions.

Woman reportedly caught breastfeeding cat on Delta Airlines flight

This next guy might want to PUT THE PIPE DOWN!!!

(See clown at top of page)


Man Claimed “Big Snake” Invited Him To Enter Neighbor’s Home At 2 AM, Cops Report

Did someone commit a burglary and hide the money in the wall expecting to retrieve at a later date, or does a crooked con-man hide the money and report a burglary?

Money found in wall of Joel Osteen’s Houston church; $600,000 reported stolen 7 years ago

This guy is a real hero!

Maybe this next guy was trying to make weight loss waffles?

Cops: Side Of Meth Served At Waffle House

Would you want your child bullied into eating food from a garbage can?

School worker accused of forcing 4th grader to eat food out of garbage can

I would like to invite this next guy down to our part of the state and try pushing me down for chucking snowballs!

Douglas man strikes plea deal in assault on child over snowball fight

I ran across this item while doing r “Research” on a new segment regarding old-timey medical cures. It was just too funny not to share, Be sure to click as many links as you can!

Cock Crutch!

Thats it for this week, be sure to keep coming back as we have a record of changing shit up at any time. And once again I want to congratulate the Pants family on the arrival of their  Special Spud.


Blowin Chunks

You can contact us at happyhrnews@gmail.com   or you can leave a message/text at 701-369-0029


Our first story takes us to Texas, where parking is a nightmare. Literally!

Texas woman arrested after pulling a gun over H-E-B parking spot

Now to Florida. This guy needs a new hobby

Florida man stands naked in his driveway, throws rocks at passing cars

Shanty and I were talking about when concerts became a venue of mosh-pit style violence, and people getting hurt. Here’s a little rundown.

11 of the deadliest concert disasters in recent history

If you have the misfortune to be born in North Korea, well there’s not much any body can do for you.

A North Korean man who smuggled ‘Squid Game’ into the country is to be executed by firing squad and a high-school student who bought a USB drive with the show will be jailed for life, report says

On to Illinois. Face tattoos. I don’t get it. I mean I’ve got some tats, but to put them on your face, and a brand logo? WTF!?!?

Tesla Fan Driving Minivan Busted For DUI After Roll-Over Accident

In Portugal, when you leave work, work is over, and you are free to concentrate on your personal business.

Portugal Bans After-Hours Work Emails. Parents in the US Need That Now.

It seems that until recently, in the UK, life sentences for killing emergency responders was not a thing.

People Who Kill Emergency Service Workers Will Now Face Life In Prison

This is definitely a Poor Guy story. The idea that in America, there is even a very small chance that at some point in time, that a stray bullet will just come flying through your head is about as sad as it comes.

Man killed by stray bullet while eating Thanksgiving dinner inside his home

I am almost speechless about this next story. Hand gun safety should be mandatory in our school systems. Maybe this young woman would still be alive.

Webcam Model Shot Self In Private Parts

I guess the moral of this story is if your a delivery person, beware of sketchy buildings, and if the place looks like a dump, it probably is.

Pizza delivery man dies when customer’s porch collapses

This weeks weird animal fact looks at frogs, and the way they eat. Most people already know about the whole sticky tongue thing, and how they can flip that bad oscar  out twice their body length, but the weird part is how they swallow.

That’s it for this week. Be sure to keep coming back, and take a look around the site. We are open to suggestions on content, and what ever else you have to say.