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The News You Didn't Know You Needed
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I’m Not Worthy

Welcome back to the news you didn’t know you needed! As always, you can reach us at happyhrnews@gmail.com, or at 701-369-0029. We won’t tell anybody.

This week we come to you from the Good Idea Studios. Shanty Pants and I, Sanchez Eldorado, dive deep into the interwebs for the stories that slip through the cracks, and if we could, we would bring the cracks.

Florida, the land of alligators, meth labs, and public masturbation. Here’s our first contestant for pud puller of the week.

Florida Man Arrested for Pleasuring Himself With Ice Pack in Front of First Responders: Police


Some people have enemies, and some people are enemies to themselves.

Michigan man running from cops gets lost in woods, has to call 911 for help

What a world we live in! Portable communication devices, streaming media, an abundance of food, and genetically modified pigs used for human organ harvesting!

Surgeons tested a pig kidney transplant in a human patient — and for the first time, it worked

This next story is just a good idea. I wish we had one every 5 miles here in North Dakota!

25 Animal Bridges That Are Keeping Wildlife Safe From Humans And Their Cars

Being quite a drinker myself, I am well aware of getting sloshed and making huge mistakes. But this is a little extream.

2 Florida P.E. teachers face charges from entering wrong home, shooting

This is an example of a “Don’t Do That” story.

Police fatally shot Florida teen pointing air rifle

I think that there are benefits to living a simple life, in a simple way, but a car with seat belts would have gone a long way here.

Parents killed in Amish buggy crash, leaving behind 8 injured children

So it has been apparent that a lot of the stories we have been doing about Florida “NitWits” getting arrested are wearing some kind of shiny robe.

It turns out it’s a barbers cape, so they all look uniform!

Some police are putting barber capes on arrestees for mugshots

Here is an example of how one gets to wear the “Mugshot Bib”

Trail Camera Caught Man’s Illicit Horseplay

Who do you trust?

Texas Nurse Convicted Of Killing 4 Men With Air Injections

I wish I could breath through my butt

And something from this guy.

That’s it for #99. Don’t miss our 100th episode released on Halloween 2021@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@PEACE@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@S.E.

Sunday Funday


After an unsuccessful attempt at doing a show on Thursday, we regrouped and the stars lined up much better on Sunday! It was fun. Episode 100 is due to drop around Halloween, so we can’t get our count all screwed up.

As always you can contact us at happyhrnews@gmail.com, or by phone at 701-369-0029

We get this thing started with a Florida Man story that is an example of what happens when you don’t know how to own a gun. Firearms, and dangerous items NEED TO BE SECURED!

This death was totally preventable.

The 2-year-old child found a loaded handgun, which went off on Aug. 11, killing Shamaya Lynn as she was on a work video call.

Here at the Good Idea Studios, we love to pass on well thought out, reasoned proposals for the betterment of mankind. And, evidently, we will also pass on the opposite.

Candidate Suggests Lowering Sea Levels by Taking “All the Boats Out of the Water”

As long as we are talking about genius ideas, running from the cops is not one.

Suspect Driving Stolen Truck Throws Things At FCSO Deputies

Good news everybody

“Homebrew” Psilocybin Created By Scientists Using “Widely Available” Materials

When we think of a violent mass casualty event, we typically think of guns, This guy took the silent rout.

Bow And Arrow Attacks Leave Multiple Dead In Norway

Meanwhile, here in the good old USA, we still do it the traditional way

St. Paul, Minnesota, bar shooting: 3 men arrested after a shooting leaves 1 dead and more than a dozen wounded

I don’t get it. Stab first, get gun, and wait for the cops.???

Man Tries to Kill Victim After Bumping Into Him at CVS

Just a story about a man and his imaginary Emma.

Accused Burglar Said Motive Was Desire To “See His Imaginary Girlfriend Emma,” Police Report

This guy was scamming the system big time, and when he got caught, he passed his plan to his Mommy!



Pinellas County man accused of defrauding unemployment system using stolen identities


Male Sea Horses give birth to live babies!!!



Be safe, and keep your eyes open for Emma. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&PEACE&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&S.E.

Give Me My Medcine

You can reach us at happyhrnews@gmail.com or leave a message at 701-369-0029, or not, whatever.

This week from The Good Idea Studios, we bring another grab bag of unique stories for our listeners.

Shanty brings us news of a podcast he has found that he wants to recommend called The Michael Shermer Show  and this has been in my list for a while also.  Give it a listen.

Lets head to Florida and get some medicine, man.

Drug Suspect Claimed His Meth Was Intended For “Medicinal Usage”

Talk about getting the raw end of the deal, this girl had to “Give It Up” so her “friend” could get a car!

Just in case you’re wandering, AGE OF CONSENT BY STATE

Cops: Man Had Teen Girl Sign Sex Slave Contract

This one falls into the “How fucking stupid can you get” category. I mean sheesh!

A pair of drunken ‘idiots’ who broke their legs after sneaking into a water park and crashing into the barrier of a closed flume tube have said they may sue the park’s owners.

I have always been leery of promises of things like “Free”cars, or “Free” money, or even “Free” sex, because nothing comes without some kind of price. Like, perhaps a body in the trunk!

Men take vehicle with ‘free car’ sign, find body in trunk

And now we need to worry about being attacked by random 14 year olds while going about our business.

Police arrest boy, 14, suspected in string of sucker-punch attacks

Don’t bring your bear to North Dakota

Man pleads guilty to illegally transporting bear from Canada to North Dakota 

Stormy on a sunny day!

Solar ‘superstorm’ could prompt ‘internet apocalypse,’ global outages

Just when we think that we’ve heard the last of the douche A.G. from S.D., he’s back in the news.

South Dakota AG impeachment petition to be sent to legislators this week

Finally, Shanty Pants brings us to our “Weird Animal Facts” segment about menopausal whales. Who knew?


Hot Flashes and Killer Whales

Of course, as we were discussing this story. I, Sanchez Eldorado, neglected to do my research and Mrs. Pants was kind enough to inform me that some sharks, indeed, do give live birth. Thanks Carrie!

Shark Reproduction

Another one in the can. We want to thank everyone who takes the time to listen to this nonsense, and to those who contribute their own. ***************PEACE****************S.E.

Why Does It Stink When I Pee?

Call us at 701-369-0029 and leave your feedback, or email us – happyhrnews@gmail.com

This week we get back to the news you didn’t know you needed with a sprinkling of WTF and Poor Guy, ad some really fucked up “Dick Shit”!

We start in Florida, where, I guess, Vampires?

Florida man worried about vampires burns down his house, police say

Also in FLA, make sure your kids don’t make any noise while at the playground!

Florida man, 70, slams child because playground was too noisy

Just In! Florida is not in North Carolina!!!

Netflix’s ‘Florida Man’ show is filming this week — on a popular North Carolina beach

Can you say “Police Masturbation Fetish”? This girl can.

Masturbating Woman Licked and Pleasured Herself on Officer’s Arms

It’s happened! The day we’ve been dreading! Dollar Tree is raising prices!!!

Not just a dollar anymore at Dollar Tree

Remember the 5 cent post card?

USPS unveils 10 year plan that will LENGTHEN delivery times

I guess the judge doesn’t eat it.

Cop who arrested man for vulgar bumper sticker is entitled to qualified immunity, federal judge rules

There’s good luck, and there’s bad luck. Then there’s this.

Michigan Man Tragically Drowns Before He Can Cash Winning Lottery Ticket That Was in His Pocket

In Florida, public masturbation is required in some counties.

Shock as customer finds naked ‘homeless’ woman ‘pleasuring herself’ inside for sale Jeep

Is there such a thing as being “Too Realistic” when it comes to haunted houses?

Man accidentally stabs 11-year-old while trying to scare him in haunted house

I’m beginning to see a pattern here.

Woman found bound, naked in Florida storm drain

So know we get to the “Weird Dick Shit” part of the show. These next stories made me shiver!

Boy Hospitalized After “Measuring” The Inside Of His Penis Using A USB Cable

Some people put shit up there dick, and some people,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Man Ejaculates Out Of His Anus For Two Years Before Seeking Help

Some stories just make me want to put my face in my hands and ask WHY?

Politician says men should ‘breathe through their testicles’ and avoid ejaculating

So, whadda ya think? Pretty good, right? Have a great week and “See You Next Tuesday”!