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The News You Didn't Know You Needed
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Waste Not – Want Not (Coo-Coo For CaCa)

You can contact us at happyhrnewsteam@gmail.com or you can call/text to 701-369-0029.

Once again we come to you from the Good Idea Studio with bullshit and tall tales from the middle of the North American Continent. And some internet stories too.

It looks like our sound issues are getting ironed out, and every time we go live, we have fewer problems. Fewer as in “Not None”.

We start in Florida with a story about a woman who, evidently, keeps a bucket of piss in her bathroom for special occasions!

St. Pete woman threw bucket of urine in man’s face in dispute, police say

If this podcast is nothing else, it is a good place for cautionary tales meant to steer you away from weird, nasty, shit-eating cults that want to ruin Grandma!!

Thai cult raided, 11 corpses found, followers urged to consume leader’s waste

I often wonder how the thought enters some peoples brain, that just killing someone will make your problems go away. And, gee, nobody will figure out that I did it! But how? How about some homemade POISON!!! Yea, that will work. NOT!!!

Florida Man Pleads Guilty In Plot To Kill Woman By Spraying Her Face With Ricin Filled Water Gun

I guess Grampa knew what he was doing! Who knew!

I’m blaming this next story on the Irish Spring soap she used in the shower!

Pinellas woman Irish folk dances during field sobriety test, deputies say

I suppose this is also a cautionary tale of sorts. If you really do think that you can kill someone and get away with it, maybe get a physical exam first?

Edgefield County man dies of heart attack while burying woman in backyard

I don’t even know where to start with this one. Please please please, if your child is exhibiting odd behavior, or acting strange, PLEASE take them to a doctor, not a church! This story was meant to be kept quiet by the local authorities.

Girl killed in California church exorcism, court documents reveal

Mothers Day. A day to honor the sacrifices, hard work, and the unconditional love of MOM! Also an opportunity to cash in on said day! I guess that my advise for a Catholic elementary school that wants to fund raise around Mothers Day, is to check your swag out before sending it home with little Billy!

Pennsylvania school accidentally sells Mother’s Day roses with thong inside

I really only brought this story up for the picture.

Florida Man Escapes Inmate Work Release, FDLE, And Sheriff Searching For Him

This next story has a couple of parts. It deals with oral sex, rubber undies, and dental dams. First, this is a dental dam

Second, these are the rubber undies

FDA Clears First Pair of Underwear to Protect Against STIs During Oral Sex

This guy thought he was sneaky, but wasn’t.

Man arrested for filming women and girls in stalls at South Florida mall

It seems that our society has come to depend on technology for so much, that the fine art of driving a car with a standard transmission (Stick Shift) is almost lost! And for this guy, so is $700,000!

Florida Man Destroys His $700,000 Ford GT Before Even Leaving the Neighborhood

It would seem that we also depend on the tech., as the audio of our closing music segment somehow disappeared! Hopefully it will be solved by next week.

As always, thanks for putting up with this stuff. Be kind to each other, and enjoy the warmer weather!



Cinco De-Drinko “Tequila Makes My Brain Fall Out”

You can contact us at happyhrnewsteam@gmail.com or you can call/text to 701-369-0029.


This week we are in the Good Idea Studio drinking tequila and bringing you “The News You

Didn’t Know You Needed” Lets get this thing started!

First on the list is a perfect example of how interfering with nature is a bad idea. Do ‘t feed wild animals that wander into your neighborhood!

Toddler hospitalized in critical condition after coyote attack

Next we head to Florida for another cautionary tale. While it may sound like fun, dosing unsuspecting bystanders with ANY mind altering substances is never a good idea!

Cops: Bride, Caterer Spiked Food With Pot

You are in the dentists office for a simple procedure. You’re not even going to need Novocaine! You’re laying back listening to the sound of the drill vibrating your skull, when the doctor suddenly stops and gives you the kind of look that says FUCK!!!

‘You inhaled it’: Man inhales drill bit during dental visit

Back in Florida, be aware that it’s alligator mating season!

‘Walkers beware!’: Hot, hungry alligators are taking lonely strolls in Florida

So, evidently driving on the beach is a thing?

Pinellas deputy drives over woman on St. Pete Beach, Sheriff’s Office says

So, is everything bad that happens to us someone else’s fault? If I trip over my shoelaces, can I sue the maker of the laces?  HMMM………

Visitor sues Hawaii hotel after beach recommendation

And Shanty was right. There was a bunch of cancelled flights!

50+ More Hawaii Flights Cancelled

And talk about suing the wrong person, this lawyer just figured he couldn’t sue anybody else!

Car owner who left Jeep at dealership gets sued after worker dies during oil change

Happy Drinking Everybody!!

PEACE       S.E.

Gator Time Baby!!!

You can contact us at happyhrnewsteam@gmail.com or you can call/text to 701-369-0029.

Welcome back everybody! This week we are in the Good Idea Studio, bringing you the news you didn’t know you needed.


We start out in Florida with a celebration of the states favorite child-eating, creepy-crawly, the Alligator!

Gatorland announces Gatorpalooza, a two-day festival with a ‘Florida Man’ race through gator-infested swamps

I never really understood the whole golf thing. At least the part where it’s OK to shoot people for walking their dog. Oh, wait. It’s NOT OK!

74-year-old Florida Man shoots man in ankle, beats him with golf club for walking dog on Delray Beach golf course

This story took us down a small “Link Hole” where we met this charming fellow!

Florida man beats mechanic with golf club for fixing car too slow, because — Florida man

Which took us to the next one!

A fight over trash escalated when a Florida man pulled out a sword. He landed behind bars.

I guess the moral of this story is don’t use your phone in the out-house.

Woman falls headfirst into vault toilet trying to retrieve cell phone, rescuers say

I think that if you have a meth habit, and your father is a sheriff, don’t sell it in his county!

Florida Sheriff Busts His Own Daughter For Meth

This next guy is a dirt bag on multiple levels!

Tampa man sent obscene content to teen he met through Crisis Center hotline, deputies say

Why is it always a person we are taught to trust?! GSI = Gross sexual imposition!

Former Catholic school teacher pleads guilty to multiple counts of GSI

It’s hard to believe that this school hasn’t been torn down!!

More than 100 people who went to the same NJ high school now have brain tumors

The stupidity is strong with this one. A cry for help perhaps?

Florida mom threatens to blow up school because son wasn’t fed enough at cafeteria, officials say

It doesn’t matter where you live, you have the right to protect yourself, and your family against intruders. If someone breaks into your home, they are not there to help you, they are there to cause you harm.

Florida sheriff encourages people to shoot burglars to ‘save the taxpayers money’
North Dakota allows the use of deadly force to defend one’s self or another from a violent felony, serious injury, or death. There is no duty to retreat from one’s home or place of work.

Imagine having real metallic teeth!

Scientists have discovered how bloodworms make their unique copper teeth

That’s it for this week. As always, thanks for letting us waste some of your time. It means a lot to us! Be sure to check out some of the links at the top of the page for swag, and some of the podcasts that we listen to. Also it appears that I need to remind everyone that any copyrighted material you happen to see on this website, or on the Happy Hour News Team Podcast, are used under the “Fair Use Doctrine” of the DMCA!


Cat Scratch Fever

You can contact us at happyhrnewsteam@gmail.com or you can call/text to 701-369-0029.

This week we are both in the Good Idea Studio, bringing you the “News You Didn’t Know You Needed”

March is the “420” month and this year instead of tokin, this person got broken!

500 lbs. of marijuana scattered on interstate during crash on 4/20, troopers say

So, it seems that farts stink more in the shower!

Farts definitely smell worse in the shower, but it’s not because of what you ate

In Florida public masturbation is so common, the news barley covers it.

Man accused of exposing himself at Wawa gas station in St. Pete

As a public service, we want you to know that if it is causing you to damage internal organs, you’re probably doing it wrong.

Man Masturbated So Hard He Tore A Lung And Required Intensive Hospital Care

To be honest, I don’t know what the deal is with NFT’s. Mostly, why?

Guy Buys NFT For $2.9 Million, Asks for $48 Million, Is Offered $3600

A couple of notes on this next story.

First, make sure that there is room in the freezer, second, make sure the freezer is leak-proof, third, make sure the storage unit has electricity, and lastly, PAY THE STORAGE RENT!!

Georgia man accused of placing grandma in freezer — while still alive — after fall last year

We still don’t know what this lady has died from, but –don’t let cops baptize you on the side of the road!

Woman who said deputy coerced her into baptism found dead

I wonder what these people would have done to this kid 200 years ago?

Baby born with two penises has larger one chopped off by doctors

Let the CA vs FL  public masturbation contest begin!

Police come 40 minutes after public masturbator does

I think it’s a good thing they don’t have a pet badger!

Cops: Cat Used As Weapon In Domestic Battery

That’s it for this week. We will try to iron out our sound issues this week, and as always,

Thanks For Tuning In!!!


24-30 inches

You can contact us at happyhrnewsteam@gmail.com or you can call/text to 701-369-0029

This week Shanty and Carrie Pants come to you from the Good Idea Studios, while I, Sanchez Eldorado, am remotely connected from my palatial estate located in bat country, as we have had a WHOPPER of a snow show this week. While people all over the country are planting gardens, and cutting grass, we have to deal with this shit!

Spring In ND!!!


After ironing out some tech. difficulties, we finally get to some stories.

Shanty lets us in on an event he’s involved in, shooting a short film with Panic Terror Films this summer. He plans on traveling to Pittsburgh, PA to be part of the shoot! Be sure to check out their Facebook page!

We kick off with a story from, get this, Florida! We don’t recommend self-testing ANY personal safety devices, especially when it involves a firearm!

Boy dies after Florida teens take turns shooting at each other wearing armored vest

Our next story is a heart-warming tale of man-dolphin love. Wet, sticky, man-dolphin love!

Malcolm Brenner really loves dolphins—like, really LOVES dolphins

Our next story is an excellent example of what happens when you start drinking toooooo early! Anyway, here’s the link.

Fresno police sergeant charged with stealing drugs, using them, crashing patrol car while DUI

This side story should be on every news broadcast in the country!

Jail Time For An “Imaginary Crime”: It’s Almost Impossible To Overdose Just By Touching Fentanyl, But People Are Being Locked Up For It Anyway

This next story came to us from our buddy Jose Jalapeno, from El Town O with Steve and Joe. You can check them out on Anchor!

El Town O with Steve and Joe

This is the shittiest excuse ever for running somebody over!

Woman accused of killing cyclists said she was ‘uncontrollably’ defecating, police say

We have been following this story since it broke, and I have not seen anybody who thinks that it was handled correctly.

South Dakota attorney general impeached over fatal crash

I’ve got to admit, I find the charges a little harsh. I had this done to me, and they didn’t charge my brother with anything!

Florida babysitter put child in dryer, spun him around, deputies say

I guess I’m with Shanty on this one. But Carrie found “Reason” behind it!

Electric shock to penis may cure premature ejaculation: study

I can see a government program that supplies “Incels” with a sex doll so they won’t have to blame women for the fact that they are too lazy to put in the work to get laid!

People would prefer a threesome with a robot over a human

You too can have your very own!

That’s it for this week. Be sure to enjoy the weather where you live, because it could be worse!