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Welcome To Our Meltdown

The News You Didn't Know You Needed
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Him Happy Boi

You can reach us at happyhrnews@gmail.com or leave a message at 701 369 0029

As we were recording this episode it was STOOOOOPID COLD!!!, and shit tends not to work normally when it gets below -20 degrees. That’s my excuse.

We kick off with a story from sub-let hell. Sure I’ll rent you my apartment until I get back from where ever.


‘Squatter’ turns $7M NYC townhouse into brothel
Squatter’s Rights: Laws and Tips for all 50 States

Here at Happy Hour News Team, we support the rights of individuals to express themselves, and we will stand behind decisions our listeners make. Unless you are a PUPPY KICKER!!! Fuck you puppy kicker!!!

X-Ray of a Pugs face

A lawyer with a conscience, who would have guessed there was such a thing.

Attorney withdraws in Williams County child pornography case

There are only so many generic “Suspect Descriptions” available. Tall, short, black, white, male, female, and weight. It’s my theory that if the cops want to, they can say you fit one of these. This guy was profiled.

Florida Cops Arrest Black Man For Stealing His Own Vehicle

I suppose if you’re going to vote more than once, use dementia as an excuse.

4th resident of Florida retirement haven The Villages arrested for voter fraud
Ex-judge who used penis pump during trials is arrested again
8 Things You Didn’t Know About Your Penis

The idea that someone would get robbed in Oakland is appalling!

Reigning ‘Jeopardy’ champion robbed at gunpoint over the weekend
‘Jeopardy!’: A Brief History
The Hosts of ‘Family Feud’

As far as “Basic rules of thumbs” go, not shitting in your own pool is very close to the top, meaning if you steal something, don’t take it to a pawn shop in the area it was stolen!

Employee arrested after over $100,000 in jewelry missing from St. Pete shopping network
Guess the meaning? In your wildest dreams you wouldn’t even think of: terrible diarrhea. Yes unfortunately that’s what the two characters means: insane diarrhea. I guess if you really hate someone this is a great way to play fool on the person. Tell him to get a tattoo of this two symbols, but never reveal the true meaning, and prepare to get smacked when the person finds out.

This is the new home income opportunity we have been waiting for!

Woman Who Earned $200,000 Selling Fart Jars Hospitalized By Her Work

This next story has me full of questions. Should he have let his wife drive, and be responsible if she killed someone? Doesn’t she have a personable responsibility for her decisions, drunk or sober? Are the police in Alabama retarded?

Man stopped wife from driving drunk. Police charged him when she died walking home

So, there you go. Another one in the books. Don’t forget to check back next week for more news you didn’t know you needed.


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